[ well, it’s true that he just likes to sleep next to someone—and now he understands why, completely. he was always comforted by the weight of his brother, even when he would move around and hurt their hip.
dextera shifts, until he’s lying prone with his stomach to the floor, and the side with his scar gently bumps against guren’s hip.
he’s not looking, but he signs for guren to see anyway. ]
[ Oh. We’ll he can’t keep joking with that. He’s still on his back, but he turns his face to look at him, frowning quietly. ]
It reminds you? [ And so it’s probably comfortable. That’s right... that’s all this is? He’s trying not to let selfish feelings get in the way of his care for Dextera’s feelings, but that makes him worry. He’s let go of his hand to let him turn, and now he feels too weird to ask for it back. Both of his stay folded over his stomach. ]
that’s not all there is to it, but dextera doesn’t know that guren thinks that to correct him. instead, he carries on exactly as he planned, which is to let his hand drop to guren’s chest.
not holding hands anymore, no, but there’s something intimate about the way his palm is lightly, loosely spread over guren’s heart, too.
[ It definitely feels intimate. Guren has never been so uncertain over wondering if someone liked him. Normally it’s so obvious? This... this just feels like Dextera is an angel above everyone else, so of course he’d be entrancing in this way. Of course he’d draw interest even from Guren who buries this deep. From everyone, he’s sure.
It’s like... how he viewed Mahiru as a goddess, actually. He remembers because she giggles in his mind, and thanks to the drug he has more of, he can keep it at that. ]
...
[ He has a lot he wants to know the answer to, but nothing he can ask. Instead, he ignores the pounding of his heart and shifts his leg to bump with Dextera’s, a solution to his craving for more contact, for now. ]
[ dextera isn’t unaware of his own feelings, but it’s impossible to feel that he has the right to have them, to dwell when he’s the one who caused the apocalypse. he doesn’t deserve to think about this thing he wants so badly, as the archangel has told him again and again. he doesn’t deserve anything, until he’s repented for his sin.
but how? how can he do that when he’s here? is he doomed to never get what he wants, as long as his guilt stands in the way? it’s something that stops him from seeking the fulfillment he’s desperate for, and why all he can do is take solace in the fact that guren lets him be here, side-to-side. ]
...?
[ dextera isn’t falling asleep yet, but he doesn’t move much when guren touches his leg. instead, his fingers twitch so slightly, and he shifts so that he can return guren’s little nudge.
[Again, like a magnet, he's drawn in. Dextera's earlier showing of their hips next to each other makes him feel like he shouldn't roll on either side, but he does give in and take Dextera's hand with his own, squeezing and leaving it between them.]
...Let's get some sleep.
[That's all... This hand holding can just be excused by their lack of touch over a week. It's a comfort, like he told Fushimi. That's what Dextera wants. A comfort. Guren lets his eyes close again.]
[ dextera takes another deep breath, letting it leave his body, relaxing him, and there’s a part of him that wants suddenly to take guren’s hand and feel his knuckles under his lips. enjoy the warmth.
he doesn’t do that, but leaves their hands intertwined all the same as he tries to force himself to sleep. ]
[It's hard to sleep with so many emotions buzzing around in your chest, isn't it? Guren relaxes, and Guren enjoys the company, but it takes him a good forty minutes to fall asleep properly.
By then, his grip on Dextera slips to a loose one, and he's snoring softly again. Ah, relaxation. But, even uncomfortable on his back on the floor, he'll sleep well.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Guren waits a second, then scrubs the back of Dextera's head a little with his hand.]
Come on, you can at least deny it.
no subject
dextera shifts, until he’s lying prone with his stomach to the floor, and the side with his scar gently bumps against guren’s hip.
he’s not looking, but he signs for guren to see anyway. ]
Like this.
no subject
It reminds you? [ And so it’s probably comfortable. That’s right... that’s all this is? He’s trying not to let selfish feelings get in the way of his care for Dextera’s feelings, but that makes him worry. He’s let go of his hand to let him turn, and now he feels too weird to ask for it back. Both of his stay folded over his stomach. ]
There’s nothing wrong with that.
no subject
that’s not all there is to it, but dextera doesn’t know that guren thinks that to correct him. instead, he carries on exactly as he planned, which is to let his hand drop to guren’s chest.
not holding hands anymore, no, but there’s something intimate about the way his palm is lightly, loosely spread over guren’s heart, too.
dextera sighs out a long breath. ]
no subject
It’s like... how he viewed Mahiru as a goddess, actually. He remembers because she giggles in his mind, and thanks to the drug he has more of, he can keep it at that. ]
...
[ He has a lot he wants to know the answer to, but nothing he can ask. Instead, he ignores the pounding of his heart and shifts his leg to bump with Dextera’s, a solution to his craving for more contact, for now. ]
no subject
but how? how can he do that when he’s here? is he doomed to never get what he wants, as long as his guilt stands in the way? it’s something that stops him from seeking the fulfillment he’s desperate for, and why all he can do is take solace in the fact that guren lets him be here, side-to-side. ]
...?
[ dextera isn’t falling asleep yet, but he doesn’t move much when guren touches his leg. instead, his fingers twitch so slightly, and he shifts so that he can return guren’s little nudge.
he wants to hold hands. ]
no subject
...Let's get some sleep.
[That's all... This hand holding can just be excused by their lack of touch over a week. It's a comfort, like he told Fushimi. That's what Dextera wants. A comfort. Guren lets his eyes close again.]
no subject
he doesn’t do that, but leaves their hands intertwined all the same as he tries to force himself to sleep. ]
no subject
By then, his grip on Dextera slips to a loose one, and he's snoring softly again. Ah, relaxation. But, even uncomfortable on his back on the floor, he'll sleep well.]