awashlogs | Catch All for May!

[ Really, how much have you been carrying on your own?

He lets his hand drop down to her shoulder so that he could pull her into a loose embrace. At least, it starts out as a loose hug before he tightens his arms around her.

Once more, he feels like he should say more to her, but he decides that she needs a moment of silence to cry, to be comforted without having to worry about responding.

His hand lifts to gently stroke her hair, as she had done for him in the past. His smile is soft as he thinks of how things come around -- the sort of good karma that she deserves to build up and be repaid. ]

I'm really lucky to have met you. [ Even as he said that he didn't want to say anything, those words slip out all the same. Because he is lucky to have met her; he's certain that is how everyone else feels as well. ]

[ Pulling her into an embrace, she's going to wet a patch of the front of his robes with a few tears. An apology for that, too, nearly surfaces before she stops herself, instead drawing in a breath, one that's meant to calm her, but one she cannot help but shudder along with it.

I'm really lucky to have met you.

She wants to believe in those words, in the trust she has in him. He's been so good to her, he's been patient with her, he's laughed with her, he's seen her cry, he's being patient with her, he's shared a lot of his own life with her. ]

Th--thank you. [ She whispers to him. Although her voice is still unsteady, she speaks with a little more conviction. ] For... everything. [ She's normally one to go on and list out everything she might appreciate in another person, but this time she lets fewer words stand for a greater meaning. ]

You really are incredible.

[ That really isn't a response that he is expecting. His head lightly shakes as he can only dismiss the idea that he's incredible. There's nothing that he's doing that she hasn't already done for others. ]

You're welcome, but I'm only giving back a little of what you've already given. The good that you've given me. [ He says it outright so that she doesn't get confused, so that she doesn't think that it isn't anything that she deserves. Didn't you help me before? Didn't you help others? Don't think that doesn't mean anything, okay? ]

Every bit of kindness that you've given... it's meant a lot. I'll be... well, I'm certain I'm not the first to say it, but it's been something that we needed without realizing that it. [ A softer smile touches his words. ] So, thank you.

[ ...He's telling you, that you've done... a few good things here.

It's Mythra, her back to hers within her mindscape. Within the void of her mind she's still in Shen Qinqiu's embrace, but he's frozen in place, a perfect replica.

Her voice is oddly quiet, soft, and uncharacteristically reflective. She's had a lot to think about this past week, about the not!wedding, about how Xie Lian and Wei Wuxian told her, about her doubts. She feels things just as keenly as Pyra does, but is much more impulsive in her reactions.... But here, she wants to comfort Pyra.

We can... Let's...

Her words die off-- ]

[ --So Pyra finishes them for her:

Let's accept them... These kind words. They feel nice to believe in, don't they?

The vision within her mind fades, and, silently, Pyra finally she returns the embrace, resting her head upon his chest as his hand goes to the back of her head. ] This... This means a lot to me, that you... [ That he's holding her, despite telling him that she's dangerous. ] That you are willing to be close to me... to be my friend.

[ A small smile forms upon her lips, and after a moment long, she pulls away just enough to that she might look at him. ] I... enjoy being kind to you and others. Because... you and others-- it is like you are not kind to yourself. [ And she doesn't want to be a source of negativity in others' lives, like how she thinks she is with Wei Wuxian now. ] Or not as kind to yourself as I think you should be.

[ He keeps lightly stroking her hair and loosens how he is holding onto her so that it isn't so suffocating. ]

Mmn. [ Shen Qingqiu makes a soft noise at her saying how much it means to her that he's still so close to her and still willing to consider being her friend. ] You helped to save me, too, and I cannot forget that.

[ He lets his arms drop a little as she pulls away from him. His smile soft as she looks at him, before he freezes at how he isn't too kind to himself. I put a pin in that issue! A pin! I'm aware of it! I'm going to work on it, eventually, okay? ]

I suppose it may be that we've forgotten how to love ourselves. But ... we're able to know how to care about others, and remembering what it is to like who we are through our friendship with each other, with you.

[ She can't help but think of what Kaoru had said to her during the even, and even while Pyra's emotions hadn't been completely there, her words had stuck with her. That even if someone did not believe in a future or in others, they could believe in Kaoru who believes in them.

It could be the same with being kind to oneself, and loving oneself, she thinks. ] If that is the case, that you have forgotten to love yourself... then I will gladly love you, in your stead.

[ Her cheeks are still damp, but she's smiling softly at him, at least. ] That's part of looking out for one another, isn't it?

[ He breathes out a small laugh as he isn't certain that he wants her to have to worry about loving him until he can love himself. Lifting his hand up, he attempts to clean off some of the tears on her cheeks, smiling softly at her. ]

That may be giving you quite a bit of work. [ Ah, I hate admitting these weaknesses about me, but it seems so disingenuous when she's admitted so much. ] I've forgiven myself, but coming to like the person that I am is much harder.

[ A beat. ] But so long as I'm able to help others, so long as I'm able to bring you back your smile, I'm grateful and already far too blessed.

Edited 2019-05-06 05:29 (UTC)

[ ....And she can't help it, leaning into his fingers again. Their softness, how they brush away her tears-- it's clear he doesn't wish for her to be sad. And unlike with others, she feels she can be more open about her sadness with him now, that it won't push him away.

He understands, and he doesn't hide his own troubles from her either. His openness is a sign of maturity and self-awareness, of knowing his strengths and weaknesses, and she can appreciate that as well. ]

Seeing how far you've come... and changed... I'm far behind, aren't I? [ Although her words have a hint of self-depreciating, her smile is more peaceful than before. She opens her eyes, bringing a hand to place over his to keep it there upon her cheek. To show that she's not feeling as terrible as she had been before, she even adds a little lightly: ] For someone who claims to be an old man, you're light-years ahead.

No, I wouldn't say that at all. [ He really wonders where she got that idea in the first place. ] I'm able to say what I am, because you're sharing your own pain with me.

The honesty... we said that we wouldn't lie to each other, ah? You're the one that's holding up her side of the bargain, if I don't do the same... I couldn't call myself a proper old man. [ His head tilts just a little as he tries to tell her that the two of them are actually walking rather close to one another. He's hardly light-years ahead of her, since he's the one that feels like he's following her. ]

[ They really... did say that. And she also said she trusts him. Well, through text.

There's something about his head tilting to the side, the kindness in his voice and eyes, the way he seems to earnestly care for her... that causes her to pause. He could be saying anything at all, and it wouldn't matter because the sincerity and softness is still there. She is an empathetic, honest person, who had once believed that humans had worn masks of lies, that they were not worth saving. But if the person she had been back then could have met someone like him... perhaps her opinion of humanity could have changed much, much sooner.

And.

You know.

She's not immune to things like this, whether or not he intends it. ] No.... no. By your kindness alone-- [ Kindness that she doesn't believe she quite deserves, for all she has done. But. ] I believe you are upholding all of your promises. [ Their promise to look out for each other, their promise of "it will be". ]

[ The way that she says that gives him just a little pause. It both warms his heart that she thinks that he is upholding all the promises that he made, and it makes him feel a little guilty about how he almost broke them. ]

I said ... I gave hope to someone once and then turned back on those words. I do not ever wish to do the same to anyone else. [ Shen Qingqiu decides to be honest. Even if he's given praise, he can't fully accept it without saying that he's guilty of one or two things, okay?! ]

But ... [ What is it that people say? They don't want to be told 'sorry', but want to be told 'thank you,' right? ] ... thank you. Knowing you, being friends with you, I feel like I'm becoming a better person little by little.

[ Her eyes flutter shut as she lets his words sink in.

That someone could believe that they are better than they once were because of interacting with her, that she could be the a reason for someone’ change... It’s a nice, comforting thought. Especially since she’s believed for the longest time she’s only ever hurt others and has caused them pain. He’s an outlier to that thought, or rather, a single instance of proof that her assumption that she only hurts others is wrong. ]

Mm. [ His hand is still on her cheek, and hers is over his hand, but now she begins to gently lower her hand back down to her chest.

Mythra is there, as always, feeling the same way as her. As for what she’s feeling.... It’s nice. This lightness within her. This sense of ease as she’s with him, this trust she feels for him, the acceptance he gives in return, the honesty he relays in return... She feels as if she’s respected as a friend, as a person, to be talked to. ]

I can say that you’ve always been a good person at heart. [ She replies, and now with all the emotional heaviness lifting from her, she smiles a little bit easier. ] But you’d just say the same thing to me.

[ A breath. ] Thank you. You’re... really good a giving hugs. [ A lighter laugh, to break the silence. And then, more sincerely: ] I... feel a little bit better now. [ Not that they’ve tackled the original point of this conversation, but she doesn’t feel so terrible anymore. ]

I would just say that. This old man can be quite difficult at times.

[ Rubber and glue! But he cannot help but laugh a little at how stubborn the two of them are to receive any sort of praise. It makes them pretty good friends that way. Shen Qingqiu can see all the good that Pyra does; he can see how she has helped the lives of those that have been struggling, hurting, and made them feel like they can live a little better than what they did. Pyra can see what is good inside of him, and it makes him feel like it is actually there.

It makes me feel like maybe I'm not wearing a mask of a good person and that I am actually someone that is worth all that praise. ]

You're good at receiving them. [ He gives yet another small laugh. ] But you're welcome... and you're welcome to all the hugs that you need. This humble one is happy that I was able to help you feel better. [ A slight pause. ] That face... that smiling face... it's the one that suits you best.

[ Aw... ]

Edited 2019-05-12 18:00 (UTC)

[ Awwww.... Clever, he's clever, whether intentionally or not, and she's falling for it. ]

[ Because-- that a smiling face is one that suits her best... Didn't she say something like that to him, once before? Again, clever of him to use that line.

Yes, she recalls it quite clearly. He's using her words against her, and they're more than enough on two counts: one, that it gently reminds her that her hypocrisy that she hasn't been following what she's been saying. And two, that her words have clearly effected him to think them prominent enough to use them....

She feels her cheeks color further. She might as well embrace this feeling of warmth and reassurance and acceptance, calling herself out on it as if it might dispel her fluster. She looks away, but her smile is both shy yet pleased. With an accepting sigh, she says, ] Now you're making me blush.

[ Why is she blushing anyway? Because she's happy? Or because who is making her happy? ] I have a lot to smile about, [ She speaks quietly, but not less honestly. ] when you're here.

[ She does draw away from the hug and him, however, because she's fine for now, comforted and reassured, bringing a hand up to her own cheek and feeling how warm they are for herself. ]

That, too, is a nice shade on you.

[ Since her mood has risen, he sees no reason why he can't ease her a little bit. Why not? It further shows her how everyone views her -- a friend and not someone to be afraid of.

Though, he pauses when she gives him that praise. He is glad she draws away from the hug so that he could cover up his face. After all, the blush that he was just teasing her about has ended up on his face now!! Somehow! That feels like cheating! A preemptive attack! ]

Thank you. [ Because ... right... being thanked always feels better than saying sorry. ] I'm glad that to you... I'm a person that is able to give comfort. [ He smiles behind his fan. What great praise is there than to hear someone thinks well of you? Shen Qingqiu violently bats away his usual pessimism whenever he receives kind words. ]

[ She can't help but smile right now, even her cheeks are wet from previous tears, she feels as if an fear has been partly eased off of her shoulders. She almost feels rather silly in his presence, as if she's been complaining to him for a reason he shouldn't have been bothered with in the first place-- but she quickly bats those thoughts aside. Troubles, any sort of trouble, is supposed to be shared with a friend, and not kept to themselves.

She pauses before she thinks about how she wants to put her next words. ] And I...

I... am grateful, that I have such a friend with whom I can confide. [ And that she was able to say these things to him before Chroma could tear the secrets, or her emotions, from her. She likes having that illusion of control, if nothing else. ] I hope you know that I am always here for you, as well. It... is a privilege... to be able to worry and care for you. [ And she speaks that as if she never thought she could feel that way. ]

You're just a naturally comforting person, Shen Qinqiu. [ She looks up at him, sighing a bit because she knows he probably doesn't agree himself. ] I hope you know that.

A privilege? [ His eyebrows can't help but shoot up even if he keeps his face calm. How is it? But he cannot help but smile and give tease just a little bit. ] You certainly find troublesome things fun.

[ Shen Qingqiu finds his expression softening, however, even after his teasing words. ] I know it now. [ If they're being honest, he'll be honest. He understands his presence is something of a comfort to others, and that means a lot to him. I can't put it into words as to why, but it means a great deal. ]

It's funny, isn't it? To not realize the things about us that make us 'good'... the fact that we could not see it in our own worlds. [ He breathes in deep and lets out a loud, audible sigh. ] Perhaps, it is our own perspective and bias that kept us so blind?

It's easy to become clouded by our own thoughts. Sometimes, we are in need of an outside perspective. [ Hence, talking to others and hearing what they have to say. She does feel better now that she's spoken with him. ] And then there are those that-- even if you tell them that they are good, they'll dismiss it. [ There are a lot of people like that in Chroma, now that she thinks about it. It's rather sad that others don't see how wonderful they are. ...And actually, Shen Qinqiu is a bit like that in her opinion.

She wipes the last bit of dampness from her cheek, echoing back his tease:] Should I call you "Troublesome Lord" now?

That's true.

[ He thinks that he wouldn't believe people saying that he's a good person back in his world. There are a lot of factors that make him think that the people are beyond blind!! But the fact people think that he's an okay person here makes him think that it might be true. ]

Renaming me something like that… I will have to pass. [ Shen Qingqiu says in a teasing tone and tosses in a soft laugh. ] Still … this teacher is happy to hear that you're starting to see yourself as we see you. [ He gives her a small, but meaningful smile. ] Soon, you'll be the leading lady that we know you to be.

[ The leading lady... An appropriate term, for how this world is full of fairy tales, but she doesn’t believe that it applies to her. She’s more like the mythical sword one finds in a cavern, an important crystal the hero finds in a dungeon, or maybe a ring that corrupts men and needs to be tossed into a volcano.

She recognizes it as a compliment, however, and simply nods to acknowledge it. ] Th-thank you, but ah, you flatter me too much.

[ She corrects a strand to be behind her ear. ] I think... I would be a mystical trinket found by the heroes, and nothing more.

[ Another nod. ] You are definitely the wise old man.

I don't think that I do. [ He shakes his head but once. ] Even if you see yourself like that... you're definitely the person that ends up adored by everyone.

[ Shen Qingqiu almost chokes at his words. Isn't that a little bit like sexual harassment to say that out of nowhere?! His fan once more opens to cover his face as he looks away. ]

But I will accept I am the wise old man that helps out from time to time... if I must.

[ You're definitely the person that ends up adored by everyone. ] ...That sounds like something I should say of you. [ By the people here, by his disciples. By everyone. ]

...But thank you once again. [ She... she definitely feels better. And reassured. She just hopes he doesn't take this as being a situation in which he has to be the one confided in, and not the other way around. So she reassures: ] If there's anything you need of me... I'm here, too. To talk, if you want.

(no subject)

shizun - 2019-05-28 13:39 (UTC) - Expand

Catch All for May!

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2 still me

2/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/3 oops

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)